Something comes along and makes you realize that you aren't done. There is still more work to do. I found this out through an inner conflict that I was having with somebody.
I realized that I have been lying to myself and to other people about a relationship in my life. I have been saying to myself and other people that this relationship is really good. Yeah, no problems there. Haha, yeah right. I realized I was lying when I had resistance about contacting this person. There was a definite emotional reaction that I felt.
I know better now than to dismiss an emotional reaction in myself. I know that if I have any tendency inside to blame someone else for my feelings, that I am blocking myself from the truth. And that means, there's work to do. For me, that work means writing out thoroughly how I feel about the situation, the person, and myself.
I don't think the details are really important enough to impart, but let me be clear that it isn't anything too dramatic. I wasn't abused or anything like that. But, through the writing process, I came to realize where my emotional reaction came from.
I realized that all of the things that I find distasteful about myself, where actually visible in this person who I felt that tendency to blame. I wanted to blame this person for setting an example that I know now I never wanted to follow. But it is never the other person. Looking back, I can now see how this relationship truly benefitted me BECAUSE it was less than perfect. I realize how this shaped me into being a person that I can now respect and who is finally moving towards a life that I truly desire. And without this person that I am trying to blame, I may not have made it to this place.
If you believe that someone has held you back from living the life that you want, just take the time to write a letter to that person (even if you never send it). Write out exactly how this person made you feel and try your best to look at it from their perspective too. Blame them until you get to the point that you can see that you can't blame them for anything. Or, until you see that it isn't them that was ever holding you back. And you may see, like I did, how this undesirable relationship contributed to making you who you are in good ways. It's a cathartic process that really helps you get unstuck and when you are done, you will feel a helluva lot better.
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