Turbulence

I recently flew back from Las Vegas to Pittsburgh. It was a pretty long flight...actually took 2 flights to get here.

The thing about flying in an airplane that always freaked me a bit is turbulence. Of course turbulence in an airplane is common, but nonetheless it always gets my heart pumping faster. What causes the tachycardia? You guessed it- Fear.

An interesting thing happened on this flight because something came bubbling into my awareness. Something that I already knew, but this was the first time I played around with it.

There was a good bit of turbulence all along the first flight and I was definitely feeling that familiar sensation of stomach in knots and in my chest..along with the hastening pulse. But suddenly I became conscious of how fear is really nothing more than my attempt to exert control. Control over something that I have no control over. What I am saying is that I became fearful because the illusion of controlling something (the airplane) was breaking down.

This is always what the sensation of fear is caused by: you thinking that you have control over life situations and then the realization that you have no control. Does this make any sense? Okay let's play with this:

Fear is synonymous with lots of different things, but let's pick anger. Think of the last time you were angry with someone. Somehow another person did something that didn't sit well with you (and when I say 'you' I am talking about your 'ego'). Now that emotional sensation is based on the fact that you fooled yourself for awhile that you had control over this person's behavior because for a time they were doing things that either pleased you or to which you were indifferent. Now they have the audacity to do something that shows you that, in fact, you have no control. So you start to feel anger (again, synonymous with fear) and you have realized that your illusion of control has been broken.

Same thing with the airplane turbulence. I was feeling illusory control of the plane up to the point it started bumping around and now my illusion of control has been destroyed and my emotional reaction is evoked.

So what I am trying to say, in a long-winded sort of way is that fear is the silly notion that we have control over our lives. And the negative emotions that occasionally arise are simply when that illusion of control is called into question and the annoying sensation occurs.

So what do we do? Well, it's easier said than done, but very possible: we start to relinquish the notion that we control our lives. We allow acceptance to take over and go with the flow.  This is what some religious people mean when they say things like, "Let Go, Let God." There are lots of different phrases like this that mean the same thing. Give in...surrender...accept what is.

It sounds all very defeatist, but this is actually how you begin to take charge of your life and stop giving fear so much power. Play with it and see for yourself. Think of any type of negative emotion that you have experienced.  Guilt, for instance.  Guilt is also another word for fear. What were you feeling guilty about? Guilt is that feeling that somewhere along the line you lost control over your behavior and this has now led to an emotional reaction. If you did something, accept what happened. If you need to make up for it or apologize, go for it, but for God sakes stop dwelling on it. You are just reinforcing fear. Instead, look at your prized petunias and notice how beautiful they are and how grateful that your eyes get to feast upon them.

Another good one to play with is worry. My God, what is a more wasteful emotion than worry? It seems like you can't help worrying, but you can. Recognize that a situation is beyond your control. Accept your powerlessness. Let the chips fall were they may and wait and see if the outcome actually is what you wanted all along. Find fear's hiding place. And actually you will see that it was never hiding...it's there in plain view. It takes the shape of our negative emotions and when we trace those negative emotions to their source it is always the idea that we have lost control. But the kicker is this: we never had control in the first place!!